Observing Doubt - Why am I going to India? Why am I doing the yoga teacher training?
As time passes by, quickly as it usually does, my departure date for India becomes more "real" with each tic-tock of the clock. As you can probably relate, when a significant life-event occurs, especially one that you chose to undertake, doubt usually comes somewhere near the eleventh hour. Well it's not quite the eleventh hour yet but doubt has already made it's presence known to me upon waking this morning.
With the inner-work I've been engaged in and through my past experiences, I've come to accept doubt as a natural part of a process that comes hand-in-hand with change and with all change, the unknown and specifically the fear of what is unknown becomes the trigger of doubt. This doubt makes you question your decisions, choices, actions, motivations and your future in general...and for a brief moment this morning, the thoughts "Why am I going to India to take yoga teacher training?" and "Why am I taking the yoga teacher training in the first place?" came to disrupt my peace of mind.
Doubt becomes a marker that creates an obstacle to mindfully living in the flow of the moment and it becomes easy to get caught up in the vortex of doubt but as I draw upon what I've learned and being aware of this doubt arising, enables me to remove that obstacle by observing with curiosity the events that unfold in the present. This "detached observation" is the key that resets the clock. It's the state that let's me flow into the moment without the fear that comes along with life-changing decisions.
So yes, notwithstanding the workshops I've taken, the spiritual work I've done, the self-exploration I've undertaken and all the yoga, chanting, mantras and mudras...doubt still came...but it came without fear and then...then the most remarkable thing...it left; and that is the unmistakable experience of getting into your 'awakened groove', in whatever shape or form that may be, discomfort and suffering comes but you're not attached to it...you don't identify with it, it becomes like the echo of the chime of the clock that fades away to silence... leaving you to resume your flow into mindfulness of the experience you're living.